little lost child

Sometimes I take what I have for granted. My home. The food I eat. The life I have. And especially my friends. I appreciate and love them more than they could ever know, and I do realize that I have the best friends in the world.

I've had a pretty terrible week. I'm just going to be honest. Each day it's been harder and harder to get up in the morning. Practice has only made it worse. It wears me out and it seems I everyday I have to make somebody hate me... I've been falling apart but I really shouldn't complain. I have no right to. And yes, it probably is because he hasn't been with me all week, but that's beside the point.

Today was not necessarily the worst, it was just the last day of a very long, very stressful week. After practice I sat down where my stuff was piled with a few of my friend's stuff and we were just kinda sitting around. Then a few other people came over a joined us, and I was back to back with one friend, and this other girl who's pretty awesome (I plan on marrying her) came over and we were chatting and that always cheers me up. My other amazing friend who was across from me noticed the spot next to me had opened up and jumped up and leapt across the circle we had formed to sit beside me. I then took a look around the circle. I realized that every single person there loved me, and I loved them right back. And these were the people who mattered. Who cares about all those enemies I've made, as long as these people right here love me. And I just sat there, smiling like a fool because I felt so loved at that moment.

My friends are the best.

I'm not sure how I'm going to manage to get myself up in the morning tomorrow. The week may be over, but I don't even get to rest. I have the SAT to take in the morning, then a band competition after that. I don't think I have the energy.


I can't do this! I just can't! I can't do this anymore. I can't take the SAT tomorrow. I can't deal with everything. I can't stand being the bad guy all the time. I just can't take it anymore. I can't...

I realized I really have no right to complain, but this stress is just crashing down on me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to do anything without him next to me. I'm like a little lost child.

Someone needs to hold my hand and guide me through this life.