I spent it with my very good Nicole-friend. In her basement. Watchin Lord of the Rings and makin bouncy balls.
We always manage to have fun; "Rider's of Rohan!" "You're ruining my life!!" ('Cause that's what she does. She's a life-ruiner.)
Only not really.
But I find myself feeling so alone sometimes. Late at night like this. Especially when I find out things that I should have predicted.
Like now. I'm talking to one of my best friends as she tells me about how this guy in our group of friends is hitting on her. Because they were at a party together on Saturday. And of course this guy also happens to be best friends with him. Which bothers me because, well, he's changed since he started hanging out with him. And I hate to see people changing to become more like someone else, and less like themselves.
When I stop to think about it, half the conversations I have with my friends involve guys in some way. And a lot of those involve a guy hitting on someone. And in all of those conversations, the someone is never me.
And it's only feeding the monster.
But sometimes I just want to look that monster in the eye and scream at the top of my lungs:
I'm beautiful, Goddamnit
I wish I could always be that confident.
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